On what Goldilocks may have forgotten

None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.(Prophet Muhammad pbuh, sometime after he turned forty)

 
I've been thinking a lot about how to start this entry but for some reason my imaginative and constantly drama seeking mind doesn't seem to work that well today.

I figured that maybe I should just write, with or without a melodramatic and poetic narrative opening, especially since I'm not currently occupied with academics (though my little heart knows I should be).

Several days ago I had a long chat with a person whom I am extremely fond of. One of the inspirations for this blog. We talked about lots of things. Our lives, the start of the new year, how last year was, how we hope this year will go and even some deeply emotional, challenging events and experiences that even though separate for both of us, the understandings towards them is quite similar. In the midst of the conversation, rather accidentally I suppose, we came to the topic I'm writing about this time.

Mind you this is not an entry to praise anyone in particular, just that I feel the need to share this somewhat common concept with everyone. At the end of this entry, you may well just leave with  "Owh, I didn't know it had a name !" but I certainly hope that we can all learn a lesson from it.      

Have you ever felt, that other people are not fair towards you? That you try hard to accommodate to everyone else while others don't really seem to take that much of an effort to return your generosity? That you laugh rather unnecessarily loudly at a lame joke your otherwise quite friend had just told, or you clean up the dishes after a friend 'forgot' to clean up theirs, that you took time to cook a nice bowl of rice porridge for your friend who was down with fever, that you fold your friend's laundry after you've picked them up just before it started to pour, that you prepare a huge surprise birthday party for a fellow friend...even though it  seems that no one else really bothered to do the same for you?

I believe, that you, dear reader, probably have felt that way before. If not a little, a lot of times. And you probably have, at any time of your life undertook some great endeavor to please someone even when you knew, somewhere deep in your heart, that your efforts may not be returned to you the way that you would have liked it. You stay positive though, because it keeps you going.

You try your best for the other person because if that 'other' is you, you would have loved what you have done for yourself. (Haha this is so confusing). Its not that you actually expect anything in return (although I must admit, it would be nice), but you just feel that if you are on the receiving end, you would really like it.

If this is the case, you probably believe in and clutch tightly onto the Golden Rule. An ethical code that in principle demands that you do unto others what you would like to be done to yourself.

The Golden Rule is as you might expect, contained or assimilated into many religions and philosophical creeds since a very very long time ago. I think it is simply because us humans, in nature, choose not to hurt others. That our essence, as human beings is to submit to the command of God, that is to love others and be good to them.

The Golden Rule is really a manifestation of great empathy and understanding of others and yourself. And also about yourself willing to take the extra effort to make sure at least someone (if not both of you) is happy with what you do for them. And this would apply greatly to all aspects of our lives. Example being,
- you smile at the cash register lady and ask them how their day is going when you see them bagging your groceries in sadness because you would like someone to ask you about how you are when you display signs of sadness
-  listening to a person's problem although its long winded and cracked up because you know how comforting the occasional nods and 'hmms' of someone listening to yours are. And sharing your problems with them too, to reciprocate the understanding that its okay to be vulnerable and trust someone with your problems. 
-  waking someone up with relentless gentle nudges because you hate to be woken up harshly and you would hate it if someone didn't wake you up at all
- teaching a person something to your best of efforts and knowledge, because you yourself would like to learn only from the best (refer to a previous entry for this)
- buying a present for a friend that you would really like for yourself
and I'm sure that you clever readers know a lot more examples to the Golden Rule. You probably practice it every day.

This concept really is not a matter of impossible empathy and ridiculous self sacrifice, and thus it is hugely disappointing to see that less and less people are practicing it nowadays. I mean, just walk around in a huge city or better yet, drive around a huge city and you'll see what I mean.

The thing is, people seem to think that surviving involves only the safety of themselves personally, that the wants of others can be sacrificed just as long as what they themselves desire is cleared and safe. And its a sad thing really, because if they survive by themselves, what will they survive to? Who, will they survive to? Wouldn't it be better if everyone sacrificed a bit of themselves so that everyone survives? It's really like Goldilocks and the three bears. Goldilocks uses up everything she can, neglecting the owners of the beds and the porridge and finally Goldilocks literally wakes up to being the main course meal for the bears (well I'm sure this is not the real version, but I have always thought of it that way after I first read the story). 

So I, herein invite everyone of us to practice the Golden Rule to our best of efforts. Because from my point of view, it is contentment in itself to see those smiling faces. And as I've said before (in a previous entry), no one else, save your Lord and you, may know about it, but I believe that is always good enough.

I'm sure this has been, an "of course...that's obvious man ! what are you writing about? are you expecting people to say that you are wise just because you're stating the obvious?" read for you, dear reader. However I believe that constant reminding of ourselves about these obvious things is indeed necessary because us, being humans tend to always neglect the more obvious and readily available things in life. We tend to prefer looking for and remembering the more queer and rarer things.

I mean, why choose chocolate ice cream when the flavour of the week is available only during this week... right?

Peace
Azfar

On what's under the foreskin

What better way to address Islamophobia and lack of interest of youngsters towards praying

A common scene seen in the typical Malaysian musolla: the children gets a line to themselves during prayer behind all the adults, usually this line would be 2 lines behind the last adult line, just in case more adults come in for the prayer. Perfect. 

Except that 2 minutes after starting the prayer, a boy bumps his behind against the boy next to him, and another boy at the other end does the quite convincing 'silent pinch' to his mate next and another boy in the middle starts running around laughing because the boy beside him passed gas. Soon, all the boys start to make noises of all sorts and run around in response to the gas passed, or simply because all the other boys are doing it. 

And upon experiencing this, the adults have understandably taken precaution measures against disruptions to their prayer (refer to the photo above). Yes, in this particularly beautiful mosque, a national treasure, children under 7 must not set foot in the main prayer hall. This is of course because kids under 7 cannot control their bowel and flatulent movements as well as adults can (read in sarcastic tone: even the 80 year olds) and they are more likely to run around the hall yelling and disturbing the other devout people trying to pray with their hearts fully concentrating on each syllable of the Al-Fatihah that most of them don't even know the meaning of. 

Well, as a fellow friend quite automatically pointed out to me when I showed the photo to him, and I quote "of course, because we don't want the kids to start making noise and run around and disturb all the adults...", this issue on the surface may well be just that. About kids and themselves being kids and adults and themselves being adults and kids should go somewhere else and not disturb the adults because the adults need to pray as their deeds are taken count and kids should pray at the back so as to not disturb the adults and not 'break' the saff because kids arent 'counted' just yet and kids may be dirty.

I have a problem with this.  

I have a problem with kids running around in the prayer hall unattended by the adults who are supposed to be in charge of their children. I have a problem with people saying that children 'break' the saff, I have a problem with people making 'religious' policies without referring to religion in the first place. So the issue is much bigger, its about what Islam we practice in Malaysia and what Islam we teach our children.

And so  the issue of the entry today is about the children saff. Should there be such a thing? Is it in anyway children friendly? 

Why have i decided to post an entry about this?

Well, its the same reason as many of these authors. I saw an event in the mosque where a child was pushed to the back by the devout 60 year old uncle who says that the child cannot join the saff because he was uncircumcised, even when the imam told the boy to join the saff. So I've done a bit of research and have come across these blog posts:

1. http://halaqah.net/v10/index.php?topic=2847.0
2. http://ibadah.blog.com/2006/11/28/kanak-kanak-dalam-saf-orang-dewasa/ 
3. http://www.zaharuddin.net/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=276&Itemid=95 
4. http://maben.multiply.com/journal/item/47

You may not have time to read all those entries, so let me break the issue down into simpler headings:

The biggest issue of why people think that children shouldnt be in an adults' saff:
Uncircumcised children may carry filth under their foreskin that may cause them to be filth themselves and upon touching filth, the prayer of a person is not accepted. Thus to avoid the saff being broken, it is best to leave the children to pray amongst themselves at the back. If there will be a 'broken' saff, it is better for it not to be the adult saff.
 
Problems with this conception and the children saff:
1. children are afraid to join the prayer with the adults
2. children are left to their own devises to do whatever they want
3. it gives a conception that religion is for adults only
4. parents cant pray with concentration worrying about where their child may be and if the child is screaming 'PAPAAAA..!!PAPAAAA!!!!!' and tugging at their parent's pants all the while, they may be a bit concerned about their image too.

My conclusion after reading those articles:
1. uncircumcised children should not be considered as filth or 'possibly filthy' (excuse the usage of the word filth, it just ads to the sarcasm of the whole entry) as per the hadith and conclusions of many scholars.


2. it shouldnt be compulsory for children to be told to stay at the back because they do count as of the hadith quoted in many of the blog entries.The hadith quoted most is

Daripada Anas bin Malik katanya neneknya, Mulaikah telah menjemput Rasulullah s.a.w. untuk makan makanan yang disediakannya. Lalu Rasulullah s.a.w. makan sebahagaian darinya kemudian bersabda: "Bangunlah, saya akan mengimamkan sembahyang kamu. Lalu saya mendapatkan sekeping tikar kami yang berwarna hitam kerana sudah lama digunakan kemudian saya merenjiskannya dengan air. Rasulullah s.a.w. berdiri, seorang anak yatim berdiri bersama saya dan nenek di belakang kami. Baginda bersembahyang mengimami kami sebanyak dua rakaat."


3. if children were to pray beside their fathers in the same saff, the father can better watch them and make sure they behave.

So, the next time you have a boy following you to the mosque, have him pray beside you. Of course this isnt the ultimate solution to kids running around and being kids, but at least it can make the number of kids running around in the prayer hall less. And this could probably help in us teaching kids the way collective prayer should work and the spirit of acceptance and love among muslims for children.  

So people! Ask your kids to join you for prayers in the mosque, and teach them Islam the way the Prophet taught Islam to the children around him. With gentle and tender love. 
 

“Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.”  (Dr. Haim Ginott)

If anyone finds this entry pitifully incorrect and deviated, please let me know. I personally am afraid of publishing this for fears of getting things wrong. As this is just an honest opinion of a person not so well educated in fiqh and related areas, any corrections to it is much welcomed.

On last year

“Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Today I decided that I should share a bit with you readers how last year has been.

Truth be told, I would probably categorize last year as a not so good year.

Firstly there's the academic side which was haywire here and there. I survived through the academic year really just with the help of my good comrades who are always ready to give what they can to get all of us through. I mean, there were the 'can I see your report's and 'what are you writing for this' and much more. And there were the long hours of group study sessions, with some of us too intent on focusing on our facebook pages on our laptops than the friend who was trying to verbalize the contents of the lecture slides, trying to fly through the pages, sometimes without even thinking about the contents. Those sessions nevertheless were fun, if not educational. I remember one day when we were looking through anatomy atlases and talking to each other about small muscles and nerves and what not. I remember everyone (save for one) with their tensed up necks and bulging veins on their temples and the smallest amount of faith that we'll grasp the contents. And i remember someone mispronouncing a word, and another caught them at it, and everyone laughed their hearts out at that innocent, tired mistake, because everyone just wanted to let the tension out of their brains.  I remember, and today, I smile. I smile at the fact that everyone got through, and the road to getting through was not faced alone. There were friends, who were there, who got my back, who made me laugh, who told me that 'we can do it!', in those tough times that I wouldn't even dare to imagine having to face alone. Thank you friends. I shall forever be in your debts.

Secondly there was the social side of my life. Many people whom I considered places of comfort left for somewhere else, not specifically in terms of space, but also in terms of heart. These people from whom I often seek for reassurance, for advice, for motherly care, for jovial forgetting of life's challenges, for remembering what its like being in a family, for remembering what its like to be a big and little brother, for the occasional gossiping. Many things really. Many people really.

Thirdly there was my internal conflict. I say conflict because there's really just one thing that filled my heart for the whole while. Emptiness. I was throughout the whole year devoid of interests. Medically they call it anhedonia (but of course my case wasnt clinical in any way). I woke up everyday just for the purpose of waking up. Nothing to look forward to. Its sad. Im looking forward to a change this year. A more lively heart, filled with enthusiasm and energy.

On the other hand though, there were many things that I enjoyed about last year too. One of the best would be working with this bunch of people from UNIS. I was involved (slightly) with the Islamic Awareness week. Working with them was good. It was lively, purposeful fun. I thank UNIS for their efforts for Islam and for university of newcastle. The world needs more people like them.

I of course have lots and lots of new academic year resolutions that will take effect sometime this year, but that's a different story. This one is just a purposeless rant on what i see were wrong with last year and hopefully with seeing this i shall be able to make amends to adjust to if not correct the circumstances for myself.

Sorry for a disappointing and time-wasting read.

p.s. : Melancholy overtook my whole being since yesterday, partly because of seeing the timetable for the new semester, and partly because a precious something of mine broke in the plane and the smell of it lingers around the room, haunting me with its presence.

Sincerely yours
Azfar

On the barber's apprentice

There are those who give little of the much which they have--and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.

And there are those who have little and give it all.

These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.

There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.

And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.

And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;

They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.

Through the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth. 

(Kahlil Gibran)

This shall be a quick entry.

Something I thought about while having my hair cut several minutes after the spontaneous decision to take action on my forever growing hair.

His hair was of beautiful jet black, neatly combed back, a bit dull in terms of shine, not as rich as Richie Rich's but undoubtedly immaculate. Fit for a barber.

Then looking at another barber working on another head on the next chair, I began to think. Who cuts the barber's hair? Who would the barber, who probably knows quite a lot about hair dos and would probably be quite concerned about how his hair would look (obviously because he represents his products), trust to cut his hair?

And in a slightly schizophrenic jumping of thoughts, I suddenly began to think about giving. Specifically, the giving of knowledge.

Say, hypothetically in a place far far away, a barber has successfully planted his influence in a small town, so much so, that everyone in that town went only to him for a haircut, and there was no competition since the barber has crushed all of them to bits. And he plans to keep it that way.  And so one day the barber thought, "since i've crushed all competition in this town, and my hair is (thankfully) still growing, who will cut my hair? Obviously i can't let some old granma work her magic on me and cut all my sideburns off. I need someone good, at least as good as I am, if not better, of course..."

And so one day a young student came to him, asking to learn from him the art of cutting hair. And thinking that he would like to have someone capable to cutting his hair to his standards, he instantly agreed. Upon training the student, the barber saw huge potential in his student and this brought about a sinister little whisper in his heart "what if, this kid ends up being better than I am? Without doubt, my position shall be compromised and I will ultimately share the same fate as my previous competitors".

The hypothetical will stop there, I think its starting to turn into some enthusiastically written Form 3 essay assignment.

The barber represents many of us, who have huge stockpiles of knowledge stored in our hard drives.The student too represents many of us, people who seek the help of others to understand more about a certain subject. And the conflict is quite a common one, applicable to many things that we do. Football, martial arts, religion, cooking, medicine, computers etc. Anything really.

On the giving of knowledge, more often than we would like to admit, some people prefer withholding their knowledge from their students. Obedient slaves to their little hearts. Often to the fear of being overcome by their own product of teaching and falling themselves into the shadows, unnoticed by others. Some believe awe is needed on the part of the student so the respect towards the teacher shall forever remain. Some are just lazy.

I believe many of us understand what's wrong with this situation and thus I wont even bother typing it up. That whole length of text really is just to say this:

In giving knowledge to others, we should try our very best to give all that we can so that our student become at least equally versed, if not better than ourselves in the matter.

Sure, the student may someday forget that you have taught that ball trick to them, and sure, the student may someday bake better cakes than you have ever baked, and heck, you might some day have to ask them to explain the JGA back to you. But I believe that seeing your product succeed, even if it seems that the only one seeing that is you, is worth all the sweat. And it doesn't matter if the whole world doesn't know of the fact, but God knows and you know and I believe that is what matters.


4:86- And when you are greeted with a greeting, greet [in return] with one better than it or [at least] return it [in a like manner]. Indeed, Allah is ever, over all things, an Accountant.(God, unknown to me)

On starting something new

"Wisdom is the lost property of the believer, wherever he finds it, he has a right to take it" (Prophet Muhammad s.a.w., some 1400 years ago)

Lao Tzu has once said, "the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step" and some old well known idiom praises the first step to always be the hardest.

In the name of Allah and the spirit of these quotes, I start this blog.

I'll probably start things off with why I decided to finally (some one decade late from other internet users) start this blog.

1. I've always had so many things to tell people but many of them often end in silent (sometimes loud) mental monologues. So by writing in a blog, some of these things will probably reach some other soul and maybe trigger some nonsense and pathetic small talk when someone mistakenly decides to sit beside me in a gathering or in any circumstance. 

2. many people have told me to start a blog. some of them being very important people in my life whom opinions I consider great pieces of wisdom.

3. I hope that this blog will open a window for people to get to know me better. about my principles and thoughts on life and its events. A bit of flashing of my private parts..to put it in a nice way.

4. i hope it will serve as a means of productive procrastination, both to myself and its readers. 

I myself have kept a personal journal all throughout boarding school and some period after that. I guess it provided a little comic relief to the all too many happenings that seem impossible in that perfectly camouflaged (against the surrounding dust) and boring school and the mundane life I had back in prep college. Not many have read those entries and for one obvious reason, nothing in it contained anything worth reading in the first place. And for that very reason, I aspire this public journal to be something worth reading, at least for the purposes of filling time of its readers with things that are worth knowing. I aspire it to be (at the risk of sounding secular) religious, a bit medical, a bit philosophical, a bit wise, a bit witty, a lot sarcastic and

100% human.

Thus the title of the blog. Because i believe that being human means making mistakes and being able to correct them, being (most of the time) vulnerable to their surroundings and circumstances, being affected by their emotions at the time and being the ultimate social beings who need others in their lives to share their ups and downs in  hopes of pulling the ups down to earth and raising the downs out of the water, making it possible to breathe.

And before i even begin to write about anything else, i firstly apologize to you, dear reader because knowing myself, the prospect of frequent and enjoyable entries is a bit bogus. and i shall be making heaps upon heaps of language mistakes and so to all you language lovers out there (i know several), my deepest apologies. and i may also sometimes make inappropriate, rude, judgmental comments about things and i again apologize in advance to all of you who has to see the more bitter side of myself.  

But hopefully things will go better from herein. We'll just have to see how things will go.

After all, im only human.

Peace out
Azfar