On last year

“Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Today I decided that I should share a bit with you readers how last year has been.

Truth be told, I would probably categorize last year as a not so good year.

Firstly there's the academic side which was haywire here and there. I survived through the academic year really just with the help of my good comrades who are always ready to give what they can to get all of us through. I mean, there were the 'can I see your report's and 'what are you writing for this' and much more. And there were the long hours of group study sessions, with some of us too intent on focusing on our facebook pages on our laptops than the friend who was trying to verbalize the contents of the lecture slides, trying to fly through the pages, sometimes without even thinking about the contents. Those sessions nevertheless were fun, if not educational. I remember one day when we were looking through anatomy atlases and talking to each other about small muscles and nerves and what not. I remember everyone (save for one) with their tensed up necks and bulging veins on their temples and the smallest amount of faith that we'll grasp the contents. And i remember someone mispronouncing a word, and another caught them at it, and everyone laughed their hearts out at that innocent, tired mistake, because everyone just wanted to let the tension out of their brains.  I remember, and today, I smile. I smile at the fact that everyone got through, and the road to getting through was not faced alone. There were friends, who were there, who got my back, who made me laugh, who told me that 'we can do it!', in those tough times that I wouldn't even dare to imagine having to face alone. Thank you friends. I shall forever be in your debts.

Secondly there was the social side of my life. Many people whom I considered places of comfort left for somewhere else, not specifically in terms of space, but also in terms of heart. These people from whom I often seek for reassurance, for advice, for motherly care, for jovial forgetting of life's challenges, for remembering what its like being in a family, for remembering what its like to be a big and little brother, for the occasional gossiping. Many things really. Many people really.

Thirdly there was my internal conflict. I say conflict because there's really just one thing that filled my heart for the whole while. Emptiness. I was throughout the whole year devoid of interests. Medically they call it anhedonia (but of course my case wasnt clinical in any way). I woke up everyday just for the purpose of waking up. Nothing to look forward to. Its sad. Im looking forward to a change this year. A more lively heart, filled with enthusiasm and energy.

On the other hand though, there were many things that I enjoyed about last year too. One of the best would be working with this bunch of people from UNIS. I was involved (slightly) with the Islamic Awareness week. Working with them was good. It was lively, purposeful fun. I thank UNIS for their efforts for Islam and for university of newcastle. The world needs more people like them.

I of course have lots and lots of new academic year resolutions that will take effect sometime this year, but that's a different story. This one is just a purposeless rant on what i see were wrong with last year and hopefully with seeing this i shall be able to make amends to adjust to if not correct the circumstances for myself.

Sorry for a disappointing and time-wasting read.

p.s. : Melancholy overtook my whole being since yesterday, partly because of seeing the timetable for the new semester, and partly because a precious something of mine broke in the plane and the smell of it lingers around the room, haunting me with its presence.

Sincerely yours
Azfar