On seeing a beautiful girl on Facebook

Obligingly as always, I browsed through the Facebook page after cooking dinner for two, half an hour after I ran in the unforgiving torrential rain to my car parked on demon hill (refer to previous post) after hospital.

Going through everyone's lives, I saw 2 photos in which my sister was tagged.

The photos were taken on 29th of May 2011, the day of my sister's wedding!! It seems a bit unreal, there she was, in her wedding dress, very beautiful, more beautiful than always, with a guy who is now officially my brother in law!  Hmmmm...brother in law....its weird just saying it. But that was it, my sister is married now! I guess it is a bit weird because during that historic day, I was in Newcastle, reading a book on a rainy day, bored out of my skull, when everyone else were there, coming together, enjoying each others companies, celebrating my sister's wedding. My sister's wedding!! It makes me feel a bit sad looking at all those photos, because I feel a bit like a stranger, who was only able to browse through photographs without being there. If only I own an airplane!!!

Time flies so fast, yesterday we were walking around in a shopping mall holding each others hands (pretending we were lovers), the day before we were on the bus going to school in Putrajaya, the day before we were at school in the school choral speaking team, the day before we were getting on PakCik's bus to primary school, the day before we were children in the day care centre, the day before we were playing outside of the rented home in Gombak. My God!! It still seems unreal!

Anyhows, this quick entry is in the dedication of my sister, the only girl among us five. I wish the biggest Congratulations!! to her and her husband. For her to know that I feel the utmost happiness for her and her husband, and that we are so glad someone was actually willing to marry you!!! Hahaha..!! And to my brother in law, please take care of my sister with your best of abilities, make her happy, and please guide and teach her towards being happy now and in the Hereafter. She's very emotional at times, but she never fails to get back to being happy in a jiffy. Because that's what her name means; 'Joy'. I guess now I can say to Atok who told me "you are the one who's going to take care of your parents, your sister and brothers, no one else": I can say to her "thank God Atok! My bag is now lighter"  To both of you, may your first steps in marriage-hood be good and smooth ones, may you guys step in unity, understanding, coherence and love till the end of your lives and may you guys be able to help each other get up anytime you step on pebbles and stumble. And may babies who spring from you two be faithful and beautiful people, people who will make this world a better place in the future.

 Kalau ke laut susur gelombang, 

Jangan kemudi patah daunnya,

Kalau bertaut kasih dan sayang,

Jangan diuji dalamnya cinta,

Janganlah jangan diuji cinta 

(Joget Senyum Memikat, Siti Nurhaliza)

Can't wait to see the official photographs and videos!
Ahmad

The hidden power of smiling

Ron Gutman: The hidden power of smiling | Video on TED.com

Today is the kind of day I love. The registrar took the day off and the consultant wasn't anywhere to be found. The ward round was done by the intern and I. We went to the patients, asked them how they were going, checked their vital signs, checked that they've pooped earlier in the morning or anytime yesterday and went around smiling and waving around to the patients. Sweet. As sweet as a stolen kiss, as the Irish would say it.

The intern told me that I should go home as soon as possible and I, of course, not wanting to disappoint anyone in my team, obliged.

And so I went home early, switched the computer on and lounged around...for an hour or so. It is very nice.

Later I thought I'd have ample time to have a run before the sun sets. And so after Asr prayers, I took to the streets.

Just to inform all of you who may have never been to Gosford, the terrain here is very hilly. And so up and down I went. Until I met my arch nemesis, the hill going up to the Gosford Hospital. Usually I would just bring myself in baby steps up half the hill, and walk (with a rather comical facial expression, flaring nostrils and over enthusiastic arm swinging) up the other half.

Today however is a good day. And so I thought, I'll run up 3/4 of the hill! Good improvement for a good day! And so I ran (baby stepping still) up the hill, and around half way up the hill, my legs started to scream. Owh great, I dont know if I could do what I wanted to two seconds ago. And my pace started to fall, it was very much comparable to a drunk baby snail's.

But then I remembered this talk up here, and believing in the power of it's magic,(heeehee...) I forced a smile. You should've seen my face, it was twisted. Absolutely laughable. And I wont have anything against you for ROFL-ing at all! I was forcing myself to display my teeth to everyone who passed me in their cars. They must think I was on my way to the Psychiatric ward. But lo and behold! By the time I thought I was going to give up, and my smile was about to fade, I was already very close to the crest of the hill!! And mustering my last bits of strength to maintain a smile and keep my legs running, I made up the crest of the hill!!! *clap clap clap*. The feeling, to conquer that hill is just so great! And immediately I was in the mode: impossible is nothing! (thus this poorly planned entry and the bursts of short sentences)

So people, whenever you feel tired and everything inside you are screaming in pain, you might want to try a smile. You never know which hill it may help you climb.

Run easy
Azfar

On the man shaking in the chapel

 The content of the Friday prayer preach was on death. Given by a dear friend of mine, in the Gosford Hospital chapel, which is reserved for Friday prayers every 1.30 in the afternoon.

The text which he whizzed through was brief, cut short with the lunch time period in mind. It discussed the ever so popular topic of the questions you get asked by the angles in your grave upon your death and burial, the answer to them and the consequences of your answers on your conditions in limbo land.

For the 3 of us (half) listening to the talk, it was rather simply just a talk, a reminder that slightly tapped our souls for that period of time, bound to be forgotten upon seeing the patient waiting in the ED or the medication charts that need to be redone. A good reminder nonetheless.

After finishing the prayers, I was adamant on getting out of the chapel as quickly as possible, as I had a tutorial scheduled at two o'clock. After greeting the angels on both my shoulders, I quickly got up, stuffed my feet into my shoes and headed to the door.

I half-stormed out, nearly got to the exit when I saw a man, sitting in the chair in the furthermost corner of the chapel, slightly graying hair, in a hospital gown with a navy fleece jumper on top. He was looking down and was shaking. Visibly, coarsely shaking in his chair. I thought he must've just been there to pray, and so I thought I'll just slip in front of him in silence. When I was about to exit the chapel, he looked up, gave me the best smile he could've mustered and without prompt, he said "Sorry, I'm just here to thank God. I just had a near death experience a week ago. I died and the doctors brought me back again. Its like God doesn’t want me yet, I still have things to do here. I'm sorry, I didn’t know about this (the reserved chapel for Friday prayers).Its interesting, we're both from different religions but...."

I stood still in the doorway, one hand holding the door open,  the other not knowing what to do, caught dead in thin air. This guy has been listening to the preach. He listened, and was molested. Molested by the words, touched inside so deep, he was shaking from it.

How I wish I could have stayed with him and hear his story, my heart screamed "screw the tute! This guy needs someone to talk to"  but my head whispered "I'm late for tute, I should just say something brief and go". In the end, as always, my head got his way. I gently touched his elbow which he held close to his body, like hugging a long lost friend, and said "you take care" and went out.

The conversation had me thinking a bit while walking to tute. The gravity of his words was colossal. "I still have things to do here".

That had me thinking. When was the last time I shook at the thought of dying with my work here unfulfilled?

I wish I could elaborate more on this, but the medical course awaits. However reader dear, know that this post shall be tended to again sometime in the future. I just thought that it's been a while since I posted an entry, so this half boiled excuse on an entry shall have to do for the time.

Until I get to continue on this post, lets just all  think about what things we have to do in this world and what are our efforts at them. Not many of us are as lucky to learn the lesson of purpose through death and rebirth, but most of us are lucky enough to learn it through the experience of others. 

 "Its like God doesn’t want me yet, I still have things to do here" (The man shaking in the chapel, 2011)

You take care

Azfar